Move. Moving .Moved.
As I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car looking out the window I cried. I thought, here I am moving, again. I started to think about how excited we were to move into our own place and how perfect the timing was. Newly married, new jobs, new apartment...just to move to Illinois 6 months later. Why? What was the point? God don't you see us? Can't you see us struggling? I was angry...so angry. I was envious of the couples that buy new houses together when we had to throw away all of our furniture. It was my breaking point. We had moved away from home, from friends and family only to feel like a failures. How small our understanding is isn't it? If we only knew what was ahead.
Psalm 68:19 says " Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.
God knows your heart and he knew mine that day and everyday. He fully understands what concerns us. God knows what it's like to be troubled. He has complete understanding of what sorrow is like, what burden is. John 11:35 "Jesus wept." I think we forget and start to pray as if God is this distant being in the sky whom we never hear from. In the midst of all the chaos in my life lately God has spoken his name in a way that shakes me. In moving I needed to trust in him completely, with my whole heart not knowing what was ahead. My mom often says that when God tells you to do something that you are terrified of it is like free falling...It is not knowing at all what is ahead and jumping anyway trusting that Jesus is going to be there to catch you, hold you, and tell you he loves you. We don't know what lies ahead but we trust that God does. Wouldn't you rather have him steering?